By Joan Tupponce

With the presidential election just weeks away, most voters have an idea of who they will vote for in November. Our country is a nation of differing political views. While that’s always been the case, it seems voters are becoming more vocal and opinionated as to who they would like to see in the White House.

“Political differences have grown from simply conflicts over values to include conflicts over basic facts,” said Peyton Lassiter, licensed behavioral health clinician in VCU Health’s Department of Psychiatry. “This has expanded the rhetoric from moral differences to calling into question opponents’ intelligence and psychological health.”

This change in tone has been present for almost 10 years, he adds.

“So people have largely realigned their relationships and activities to avoid conflict over time,” he said.

Lassiter, who specializes in family counseling and has experienced political anxiety, says he believes our mental health depends on our relationships with our loved ones. That’s why it’s important to avoid stress and strife in those relationships.

Even so, this politically charged election can cause rather heated discussions in families and with friends. VCU Health News asked Lassiter how to handle those delicate conversations. These are his suggestions, some of which are strategies he practices.

How can political views cause friction between family members and friends?

Political views can cause friction in relationships because they are intertwined with our values about what is right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy, reasonable or unreasonable, good or bad, etc. These values come from our families, institutions and communities, our own life experiences, and our immediate and long-term needs. Values form a large part of our identities, so we can interpret political differences as personal differences. Someone who attacks our political views sounds like they are attacking us, thus the friction.

How do you steer away from a conversation about politics with family members and friends?

The simplest way is to ignore political comments and continue to talk about the previous topic. If the person or group starts an inflammatory conversation, another option is to remove yourself from the situation. If that isn’t possible, it can be necessary to confront them directly. This is best done one-on-one but can be done in a group if need be. Let the person know that this topic causes hurt, so you are asking to stop talking about it. There isn’t time or energy in that moment to have a meaningful exchange, and minds are unlikely to change.

How do you set healthy boundaries around these types of conversations?

When establishing boundaries, it is important to start with the premise that boundaries allow us to stay in relationships rather than cutting them off. Also, boundaries are limitations on what we do, not constraints we put on others.

In this case, we are referring to intellectual boundaries and emotional boundaries. Intellectual boundaries are limits we place on conversations we will participate in with someone based on subject matter. Emotional boundaries are limits we place on sharing what feelings we’re having and why.

Establishing these boundaries requires both intentional conversations with others and mindfulness on our part to enforce them consistently.

How can you understand the other person's perspective when you are so sure about your stance?

This would involve another intentional conversation, ideally one-on-one. This requires a few steps:

• Remind the person you know that they care about you and don’t intend to hurt you.
• Let them know that what they are saying is hurtful.
• Point out the fact that we can’t know what is inside another person’s mind.
• Ask the person what led them to say what was said.
• Once they have expressed themselves, repeat back to them what you think they said in your own words and ask if it is accurate. You may have to try again to get it right.

A person who claims to care about you is responsible for changing behavior once they are aware that they are hurting you, otherwise they are deliberately causing harm. The above technique is designed to create a shared sense of meaning and begin the repair process while also sharing what hurt you.

The key is remembering that our minds make up reasons for other people’s behavior to explain what they are doing, but we don’t really know what they are thinking until we ask.

What can help you decrease your worry about politics and elections?

Engage in political discourse and consume political news earlier in the day and away from bedtime. Place limits on the amount of time you spend reading, listening to and watching political media each day.

Divide your worries into things you can control and things you cannot control. Act on the items under your control such as participating in civic life and living your values. Release the items outside your control in ways that work for you, such as physical activity, creative outlets, spiritual practices and social activities. One of the quickest, most effective things you can do is step away for a few slow, deep breaths.